Multiple Sclerosis Manifesto

A sense of humor is a priority in life. It is important to be able to laugh at yourself (and others. frequently). To be able to make a gag out of your pain is to be able to express that pain to friends without becoming that bitchy, moany person everybody hates to speak to. I think that I am able to make funny stories out of all my medical mishaps, the indignaties of weekly shots and faulty limbs. I have great answers to queries about the IV hanging our of my arm (easy access for my heroin habit) and my gimpy leg (it ain't easy swinging around on that stripper pole. you try it sometime).

But on the other hand.

I feel like my patience is thinning. The drugs get stronger, the pain gets worse, the naps get longer, my jokes get more pathetic. Most of the time I don't even try. And the problem with my little plan is that with all my smiles and sarcasm, I don't get to talk about it when it really sucks. No one expects it when the funny girl is in a bad mood. With two jobs, a husband and a cat, I need an agenda for the coming year to maintain my sanity.

So these are the finer points of my plan to not lose my mind in 2006:

1.) Im cutting my hair. Blowdrying it into anything that even vaguely resembles human hair is a pain in the ass, and it saves on shampoo.
2.) Roadtrip. I have to get the hell out the this city at some point. Just for a little excursion, this way I can limp around somewhere new.
3.) I am buying a cane. This is something I have avoided for a while, but what the hell. It makes me a little more able to make it on those long trips from the building to the car. I think I am going to paint it hot pink though.
4.) I will bribe my husband with sexual favors in order to get some dishes done. Sex is good, dishes are bad, and I hate standing at the sink that long. Laying down I can do.
5.) I am going to set aside money every month to get a massage. It hurts like hell, and I'm not so excited about strangers seeing me naked, but screw it. If it means I can get out of the bathtub by myself its worth it.
This is just the beginning of the list. More will come. These are just the beginning of my plans to make my life easier this year. I don't really care about looking like the big strong female anymore. Im weak dammit. Get over it.